July 24.

I don't like the word 'dead.' I don't know if it is because I haven't come to terms with death, or that I simply don't like the finality of 'dead.' If anyone asks, I always use the term 'passed away.' When little Jakie says that Grandpa is dead and is in heaven I cringe a little. I know that he is speaking in terms that he understands and it makes sense in his little mind. However, it is not something that I like to hear. When he draws pictures he'll draw Grandpa with a black X over his face, meaning his body is gone, but his spirit is in heaven--that is the way he is processing the event. How well am I processing?

It's been a whole year. How have I lived a whole year without my dear dad?? To answer truthfully--I don't know. How am I going to live another 50 without him? I sincerely don't know. I'm not sure if I am coping appropriately, or coping at all. Some days I think i'm doing ok, and other days are a total failure. I don't think the pain will ever go away completely, and I really hope it never does. It's been said that death without sadness is life without love. I love my dad completely, and he loves me more than i'll ever know. I say that in full confidence that I am absolutely correct.

In the eternal scheme of things, this life is but a small moment. It is hard to see through our earthly eyes an eternal perspective. When the days seem unbearable, and life almost too hard to handle, this is when an eternal look is promising. I will see my dad again. We will be together as a family. He is aware of what is going on in my life and will be ever present. There is not a doubt in my mind that this is true.

How I miss you favorite dad.


With all the love I have,

Your favorite daughter