In the Bleak Mid-Winter

"Since I cannot relate a 10th of my feelings, I will share one aspect of his huge personality that I loved: As I was in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir loft this past Friday, in front of 22,000 concert goers, and film crews filming the show to be viewed by  over two million people, guess what was on my mind? --Yes, I admit I lost my focus--I was thinking about your dad.  As we started singing "In the Bleak Mid-Winter," my heart was overcome, and I could not finish.  I know that Rick loved that particular song.  But as I reflected later, he loved many songs.  He and I talked many times about our love for music and the way it made us feel.  We discussed the various feelings that different kinds of music could bring to us.  We expressed ourselves to each other by music.  Sometimes all I would have to do to get him to a certain "level or plane" was to mention a song, or a particular experience with singing a certain song.  Even just mentioning the name of a song was enough to engender the proper feelings and our conversation could just flow from that new point.  I am not sure I am making a lot of sense, but that is just one of the many things I remember about your dad. I do/and will miss that very much."  --Uncle Jim

I had a similar experience today as I was at Christmas Choir practice this morning.  Singing there always reminds me of dad.  This morning, for the first time this year, our organist turned on The Star.  A flood of childhood memories came, as it always does, and I couldn't finish the song.  Dad was a member of this choir for over 20 years.  I remember as a young child coming to the program, watching dad, and waiting with anticipation for The Star to add its magical tinkling to the beautiful music.  From a young age I have been influenced by music. 

Another experience this morning.  I had a particular music question.  I had the thought, "i'll just ask dad when I get home--he'll know."  I haven't had one of these thoughts for a while.  I don't particularly enjoy these experiences.  The thought always completes itself before I can stop it.  It then becomes a gentle, or not so gentle, reminder of the huge part I am missing in my life.  I miss my dad.

Since Thanksgiving I have been trying to get into the "Christmas Spirit."  I know that music has always been a large part of that for me.  I started with In the Bleak Mid-Winter.  I have listened to it on repeat.  The message: 

What shall I give him,
Poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd,
I would bring a lamb.

If I were a wise man,
I would do my part.

Yet, what I can, I can give Him,
Give my heart.

In the worldly sense, I am poor.  I do not have a job, and thus have no money.  I have wondered what I am going to get everyone for Christmas.  I have stressed a little about this, until I quickly remembered the real reason for Christmas--CHRIST.   

My thoughts then turned to Him.  As the words say, I can give Him my heart.  We have a plaque that says, "Wise men still seek Him."  Upon first reading, it was a nice Christmas thought about the wise men and their part of Christ's birth.  However, modern day application says that those who are wise still seek Christ.  Am I so wise?  I hope, in some measure, to be able to give my heart to Him--for that is what Christmas is about.