Grandmother

I wrote a post in 2008. After the experiences i've had since then, I can say that I no longer feel so angry and upset. I am, if it is possible, all for having a person stay in their home as long as they can. Grandmother has come and gone with the opportunity for an assisted living. I believe hospice is just around the corner for her. I am staying over here tonight to be with her and help when I can. This is reminiscent of sleeping by dad's side at night and waking up to check on him. It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I can't stop thinking.

I wish Grandmother could just go. I know it is not my decision, her decision, or any other families' decision. We are on the Lord's timeline--He is in charge. I hope she is released soon. I hate to see those I love suffer so much. I told my mom she could not die for another 50 years. Perhaps this is selfish of me, but I cannot stand to watch the death process and go through the grieving process anymore! All my living grandparents and my dad in 5 years--not ideal!

Referring back to my previous post, I hope that I am learning my lesson from this. I hope that I am not disappointing my Heavenly Father. I strive daily to be a better person to qualify myself to live with my family eternally.

I have had several discussions with a friend about the importance of family and how much they mean to me. He comes from a family that is not close at all--does not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas together, does not have family reunions, etc. He does not particularly care if he has a relationship with his siblings or not. This concept is so foreign to me! I love my family with all my heart--extended family included. I am so excited for eternity and the opportunity to be a forever family. I love and miss my dad. My Grandmother and I, in the last several months, have discussed her getting to see my dad again before I do. She asked what I wanted her to tell him. I know he already knows this, but the first thing that came to my mind was please tell dad how much I love him! I have felt him close at times when I needed him. He knows I love him. It is just a comforting thought to think that in the near future he will be told it.

This may not make sense. I'm mostly just jotting down my thoughts so I can sleep. Here's to hoping for a restful night and a happy morning.